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You know you are Bruneian when...
Note: This is the merged lists of two entries that was posted on the www.bruneiresources.blogspot.com website. The first was circulated much earlier and it was reposted with a number of editorial corrections and the second was compiled after readers came up with new suggestions.
- People ask where you're from and the easiest explanation is saying that it's next to Singapore.
- People are still clueless about where Brunei is and then you mention how the Sultan of Brunei was once the richest man in the world and everyone instantly remembers.
- You either hang out in Coffee Zone or Coffee Bean or have children that do.
- Your closet is full of designer gear but all you wear is the same old t-shirt, shorts and 'selipar jepun' that cost $2 from the 'kedai kaling' next door.
- You don't wear Versace because only the older Datins & high society people wear it & because you have the suspicious feeling that it was made in Brunei.
- You travel all the way to Miri just to get bargain priced goods but spend twice as much there as you would back at the shops in Brunei.
- Your family has at least 4 cars, almost always including a large car like a 'Land Cruiser' (for stocking up at Miri).
- You don't drive second hand cars.
- You don't drive a car that is less than $40,000 because it is just unheard of.
- You complain like hell when the food is slow at a restaurant, but when you are at a 'pasar malam' you can wait hours for your gourmet satay from that Mamak stall.
- McDonalds is halal & you can order a 'Bubur McD'
- You don't take public transport because it's for workers.
- You are used to the wolf whistles of deprived men when you walk past them - even when you're with your parents.
- You are used to seeing large crowds of Indian, Indon, Filo & Bangladeshi workers hang out at shopping malls, especially on Sundays.
- You have called someone a 'poklen' or have been called one before.
- You buy mee-goreng by the boxes.
- You are obsessed with imported food from England.
- You fly to Singapore to go to the hospital because you don't trust RIPAS.
- You go to Singapore to have a good time.
- You go on holiday ANYWHERE with 2 empty luggage's and come back with at least 10 full ones.
- You go to Singapore or Malaysia at least 4 times a year.
- You own an enormous private collection of pirated VCD's, DVD's & CD's.
- You have a few specialised number plates for your cars.
- You go to the pasar malam with tatty clothes & slippers but a LV/Gucci bag.
- You actually believe the roads have no speed limits.
- When singing the national anthem, you mumble parts of it because you can't quite remember/understand what some of the words are.
- You Believe in Bomohs & pontianaks (vampires?).
- You have Astro satellite.
- You don't feel bad living in your mansion across from a kampong or even in a kampong itself.
- You change your mobile whenever a new one comes out.
- You know that the beach is the place to go to conduct illegal activity such as drinking & fornication although you swear you've never done it yourself.
- You know all the places that sell illegal alcohol.
- You must send your kids overseas or else they will have no future.
- You fly out at least 10 times a year to many different places.
- At least one member of your family lives in England, Australia or the US.
- You have the cash to pay for a $100k Car.
- You complain when something goes up in price even if it is only $0.20 & try to haggle over the price even at a department store.
- You have to wake up early to go for Sunday breakfast with your family (all 40 of them) & most probably it's Dim-Sum.
- You know all the swear words in Malay, Tagalog & Chinese.
- Have bad bahasa melayu even though you have been studying it for your whole life.
- You buy your monthly groceries on or around the 26th of each month.
- You avoid supermarkets on or around the 26th or each month.
- You think a 7 year loan repayment plan is a reasonable way to own a car.
- You have 5.3 kids.
- Your younger children go out in their pyjamas (barbie for girls, spiderman for boys) with a bottle of Milo clenched between their teeth.
- Your younger children wear massive gold chains.
- You PAWN your children's massive gold chains in order to finance the upcoming Hari Raya.
- You wear black trousers, a multicoloured blouse and a tudong everywhere. Younger females, just swop the black pants for jeans.
- If you are over 40 and female, more often than not, you are overweight and 'phone box shaped'.
- You think nothing of carrying your new born baby complete with quilted plasticky pastel changing bag, while dangling a LIT cigarette between your lips.(men)
- You think 5 cars in front of you anywhere on the road is a traffic jam
- You think $0.03 for an SMS is still expensive!
- You earn only $500 a month but can still buy a new car somehow and are willing to pay up to 10 years for it for those who do not apply to point #39 & who exceed point #46
- You complain that a $1 hike in cigarettes is way too much when it still comes up to only $4 max a pack
- You know you can get away with buying only $2 worth of gas cos your car modifications used up all your loan money from point #56
- You will pile your 5.3 kids in the car and brave the more than 5 car jam to the Istana for some religious ceremony in order to get $5 per kid.
- You consider taking out a maximum loan to extend your house (leaving no space for drains on your land) just cos the neighbours are renovating too.
- You will spend thousands on car modifications but will hang around curbs/ roadsides with friends cos got no money to pay for coffee at Coffezone or Coffeebean.
- You ride a Harley with a bunch of friends & park in front of Coffeezone/Coffeebean but only order water or coke & think its still macho.
- The 26th of each month is the only time you dare to buy more than $2 worth of gas cos you need to go cruising aimlessly around Gadong (a major hang-out place for Bruneians) after grocery shopping.
- Cruising aimlessly is defined as driving round the Centrepoint & Mall (located in Gadong) strip a minimum of 4 times while revving your engine loudly for all to hear.
- The typical male wears only Premier League team t-shirts, jeans, baseball caps & slippers as passable casual wear to pick up tudong-ed chicks in.
- You slow down to 10km/hr whenever a car breaks down is being towedaway / has an accident just to see if you know who the driver is & to get the number of the car to buy 4D later.
- You take out a business loan to start a business but buy a brand new Lexus immediately (refer to point #36 on cash) with the loan & then start the sloppy business with the remainder of the money.
- You do not know or have never spoken to 80% of the people you've invited to your wedding and who take the liberty to bring their 5.3 kids
- 4 generations stay in one house & there is 1.5 cars per person in the
household who have a driving license
- You think leaving work at 5:30pm is ridiculously late.
- You don't bat en eyelid in any yoga class even though the instructor is referring directly from a book.
- The local newspaper is still readable even though the front page always has some sort of story about illegal immigrants being caught for overstaying or soliciting as in point #31
- You 'miss call' instead of calling or sending sms.
- You always say "kapih ku.. bila terima/keluar gaji/overtime/elaun ah?"
- You park your car as close as possible to your destination area.
- You speak Malaysia if you meet Malaysian, speak Indonesia if you meet Indonesian.. and so on.
- You are asked to go to a "meeting" but actually you will only be "listening".
- You go to someone's wedding, you give money using an envelope and put your name on it or if you think you don't give enough you use a blank envelope.
- Indo mee is your staple food and Ayamku is your fastfood.
- The term 'balik kampung' is almost not applicable.. since you can 'balik kampung' everyday.
- Motorcyles and bicycles are not your transport, they are your sport.
When you see local tv camera around you during the day, then at night you will watch local news... and hoping to see yourself on television.
- You drive your car on wavy and potholed road.
- You receive official news faster by mean of "mouth" than by "written".
- You like electronic products from Japan.
- If you have the chance to call a radio show and before you are asked to hang-up, you say 'boleh minta putarkan lagu?'
- You are in BIG debts and refuse to pay the lenders and yet still drive a CLK and live in a mansion.
- You wear baju kurung with large katoks and maniks all over.
- You are loud and speak in melandih way.
- You and the whole family have the same car plate numbers.
- You spend your $$$$$ on your wedding even though you are broke.
- You become Akademi Fantasia fanatics.
- You know most of the people here - "eh si anak si anu eh saudara si blabla".
- You drive to the shop next door even though the shop is only 100 meters away (except maybe in Kampung Ayer).
Every year, since the 80s until last year, you don't want not to miss HM's Birthday Titah (because you are hoping that HM will increase your salary).
- When you want to get some service from the government agencies, you will find your saudara first.
- If something goes wrong, you will say that one of the datos, pehins is your relative (or at least they know you).
- You cannot live without Brudirect's HYS.
- You give you children super long name.
- You rush to a new shopping mall just to beat everybody else even though it's just another Hua Ho.
- You wave your hand while driving to other drivers that you know.
- You are able to pay (or not) for one or two amahs who are most likely an Indonesian or a Filipino.
- You are ok to be fat.
- You are a busy body with other peoples' news, especially the bad ones, and you think your responsibility is to know and to spread it around.
- Your friends get married on the same day and you don't know who to go to.
- You like to stare at phones for 24 hours and chat on MSN.
- You say "Mun paham bisai" (this needs no further explaination) .
- You have to wear 'cool' attire everywhere, even on holidays.
- You add "BUI" on each sentence.
- You think exercising, being hyper active, competition are for little kids.
- You can't type or spell properly properly, example "hw r u? hy my nme s si org brnui"
- You add "me & you" on your converstations with your girl mates.
- You listen to Pelangi FM.
- You think fake Von Dutch products are the best.
- You are especially racist to Indian workers.
- You would rather go to shopping malls than hanging out at parks, having a picnic with your friends.
- You have 'candas' in your house.
- You read this blogsite because all your friends are reading it and you don't want to be left behind.
- You rush to get a $99 handphone not caring about the limited features coz you think anything cheap is a bargain.
- You have two handphones - one for DST and the other for BMobile (for one month and then switch off one or the other).
- You always try to runding the policemen who caught you speeding.